These past three years, your only three years, have been hard ones. A Mom and Dad that are never in the same house together. One in college, the other at work. Never enough time with both of them. I wish I could say that soon it will be easier. But, an education takes time. And a lot of money.
I know, that Mommy is always exhausted. Working till five in the morning then getting up with the two of you two hours later so that Daddy can make us a future. I know that sometimes this makes Mommy short tempered. I know that Mommy does not always play with you as much as she should. But I do not want you to think, even for a second, that it is because she does not love you.
Mommy would give anything to spend each and every second of every day with you. If Mommy could. But you both deserve a future. A future where we don't have to worry about loosing the roof over our heads, a future where we don't have to live in peoples basements, a future where we don't have to worry about how we are going to afford food.
By the time Daddy has made this wonderful future for us, you will be eight years old. As I said, an education takes a lot of time. In only three years I have already missed so much time with you. It's hard to imagine I will have to miss more. Sometimes, even when I get the chance to sleep I stay up, feeling guilty. "How could I fall asleep on the couch again," I will say, or, "I shouldn't have snapped at them like that." "Why can't I just manage to play with them more." I try to tell myself that its okay, that you will understand that Mommy is just tired. But you're three, and all you see is Mommy wasting what little time she has with you.
I wish there was someway to tell you that you would understand. Show you that I hate this just as much as you do. But all I can really do is write you this letter and hope that somehow you will just know. Somehow you will just know that I love you both with all of my heart. That I would go to the ends of the earth and back for you. That the only reason I leave you each and everyday is because I love you. Because I want you to eat healthy foods, because I want you to get toys you actually like on your birthday, because I want you to have clothes that don't have holes in them. And so you can grow up without strife.
I love you Evan and Kaylee. You are my whole world. So every time Mommy snaps at you, or falls asleep on the couch, or doesn't want to play, I hope you know its not because Mommy doesn't love you. It's because Mommy would do anything for you.